Oblivion's Void
by Sombereyes
Summary: "Natsuki..." It's all I can say for her now...filled with the love I've always held for her...that I will always have for her. I don't know if we will leave, or stay here until the end of time...but a void is a void, and this is ours. - A short one shot piece that takes place right after Shizuru and Natsuki have their final confrontation in Mai HiME.


A/N: This was an idea sparked when I first came to think about Natsuki and Shizuru, and how they would pass through from one universe to another in "Reflection In Her Eyes" because I wanted to have an idea that was actually likely enough to happen. In doing so, I kinda thought about where all of the most important people end up going when they die...and I thought, since this has been lingering in my head for a long time, I would make a stand alone one shot for it... So, this takes place right after Shizuru and Natsuki duke it out for the last time.

This is in Shizuru's POV.

I don't own Mai HiME.

**Oblivion's Void**

I wanted her...I wanted her like I've never wanted anyone before...but this tainted love, there was no way she would take me. I reached out...but I did it in the wrong way. I wanted to confess, but I know that my actions spoke louder than they should have. In my mind, I tried to think of just telling her, but I was afraid, and I already knew the answer. I'd like to think that Natsuki would have let me down easily, if I had just told her...if I had just pulled her to the side one afternoon, like a normal girl...if I would have just been normal, acted like an average teen would.

But, I'm not average. I'm not normal. I'm a HiME. I'm a HiME who's most important person is a woman...a completely dense, oftentimes shy, and bitterly angry woman. A woman who doesn't understand her own beauty, or kindness...one who can't see all that she does. I wanted her to put down her revenge...I wanted her to be happy, and have a normal life. I wanted her to see me, to understand that I was there, that I would always be there, if only she asked. I know I should have said something, but, what could I have possibly said, how could I have said it? How could I have gotten her to understand?

Natsuki...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done...spilling rivers in your name...rivers the same color as my eyes. I'm sorry Natsuki, that I lost sight of you...and who you were...I lost sight of everything you wanted.

I'm sorry I could not fight you...I could not face you...not as a HiME, and in that, Natsuki, I failed...and I know it. I knew, as soon as I saw you, the fear as the church bell fell on top of you. I knew by instinct that I could not end this horrific suffering. I couldn't let myself hurt you...to end our sinfully pained lives...I'm sorry Natsuki, but I would have rather lived in torment, with you at my side...then end in peaceful nothingness.

"_Fire!"_

That word rang in my ears...louder than all the other words that you said...and then, with the softest smile on your face, you held me. Just like that...I couldn't feel anything, and sound, the pained cries of Duran and Kiyohime were gone. They faded, and all I could do was lean into you. I could not move, I could not have done anything, so I let you, and the promise of what you'd done carry me away. We both were swept away...but, is this where we ended up?

It's dark here...wherever 'here' actually is...but I can see you laying there in the distance...in the dark, blackened void that we've found ourselves in...I wonder, if when you wake up, you'll actually be able to see me...or if, just like when we were alive, you'll look right past me...seeing only part of what's there. It's cold here, Natsuki...frozen, and I can't see my breath. I wonder if we'll get hungry...or tired...or hurt...somehow, I don't think we will. I think the awareness for that has left us.

"Natsuki!" Can you hear me?

"Natsuki?" If I touch you...will you be able to feel me?

"Natsuki..." Or...are you a figment of what I want to see...

What if you're not there at all?

"Natsuki...please wake up." I can't cry now...there would be no reason for me to do it now.

"_Shizuru...what is this place?"_ Your eyes are closed, so how can you be talking? You're laying there...unmoving.

"_Shizuru...Oi, pay attention when I'm talking to you."_ Then I realize...that isn't you...it's your body. So, where are you? _"Oh for god's sake...turn the hell around...idiot."_

"I'm sorry...Natsuki." As I look behind me, I realize my body was behind me the entire time...I feel the sting..the burn of heated tears...I can't bring myself to stop them...

"_I can't." _You say to me... _"I wish I could."_ Then I realize, as your fingers go right through me, that even the simple act of drying away my tears...you can't even do that now, can you? _"But, I can't."_ You sit down, looking at your body...and then, you glance at mine. _"Mai will have to fix things by herself, I guess. While you were out, I tried to think of a way back, but I didn't want you to think I was actually dead...so I stayed here until you woke up."_

"But we are dead, Natsuki." At least, I think we are. "Our bodies aren't breathing."

"_So, it doesn't mean that we're dead...I dunno about you, but I've never heard of this as a way to the afterlife."_ Then you grab my hand...well, you try, but you huff out a breath, realizing that we are still very much spirits, and we can't actually touch. _"Damn it all." _You're clutching at thin air...that's all we are anymore. Phantoms of what we used to be, given only the gift of seeing one another, and even that could be fleeting.

You could disappear, and then slowly...I may not even be able to hear you any more...that mere thought petrifies me. _"This just sucks."_

"That it does." I must agree, but I sit down, like I know you wanted me to do, and next thing I know, your warping her arms around me, and, even if I can't feel it...even if I know you could go right through me, as I could for you...I hear a quiet, defeated sigh.

"_Shizuru..."_ Your face stays buried, and for the longest time, there's a silence. I can tell you want to say more, but, I can also tell you're unsure if you should. I may not be able to feel you, but even now, I can tell. My Natsuki, You're always difficult like this, always trying to make things harder on yourself...but, then again, perhaps I'm the same in that. _"Even if we are stuck here like this...then...I'm glad that it's with you."_ The token kiss you'd given me right before I died lingered on my lips, a warmth that was no longer there. I wanted to run my hand through your soft, silky tresses of midnight hair, but even if I did, I know the action would be nothing.

You wouldn't understand it.

To comprehend something like that would be lost on you...just as I do not understand why you continue to try to hold me now. We are the epitome of nothingness, I can't feel, I'll never be able to taste again, so even though I know the kiss was salty from our tears and sweat, I'll never be able to grasp onto that type of thing again, not while I'm in this state. "Natsuki..." It's all I can say for you now...filled with the love I've always held for you...that I will always have for you. I don't know if we will leave, or stay here until the end of time...but a void is a void, and this is ours.

If we ever do escape this place, or, if we are taken to paradise, I will leave only with Natsuki at my side...even if it means staying within this darkness for eternity._ "It'll be alright, Shizuru."_ You say that, and I want to believe it. _"I'll make it be alright."_ For now I will...even if tomorrow...no...even if light never comes.


End file.
